Guess I’m Not The Only One Contemplating Light and Darkness

Twice a year there is a world wide conference for my church that is broadcast online.  It was so incredible when the first speech this morning also reflected on LIGHT & DARKNESS!!!

It was even MORE incredible that my little ADD Sophia was captivated for a while, watching and listening without any prodding from me. The speaker began talking about a painting he has in his office that he cherishes, that a friend made.  You can see it in this video around 22 seconds…

Dieter F. Uchtdorf Speaks About Light & Darkness

And actually just listen to him talk about it a little too.  🙂

There is darkness in the world, but we can choose to stand in the light.

Sammy chooses to stand in the path of my camera lense whenever he hears the automatic timer.  I was trying to take a picture of my doing a puzzle with Michael, but instead I got this…

And one where he’s holding the coveted Spider-man Sunglasses…LOL

Anyway, like President Uchtdorf talks about with the poor girl who was abused all her life, we can choose now what kind of life we will live.  We can choose if we will stand in the door way, close to the sun’s warmth and glow.

I was luckily never abused by family or friends.  I married a great man and have wonderful kids.  I have family and friends that care about me.  But I have been living in darkness anyway in some ways.

Whenever my child cried and couldn’t be soothed quickly I took it personally, as “I’m not good enough to calm them down.”

Whenever they wanted something at the store and I couldn’t buy it for them I felt like a failure because I couldn’t afford it.

Even though I knew I didn’t want to spoil them, I’m such a people-pleaser that to NOT please them is really hard for me.  And I wasn’t standing in the light enough to believe those voices of friends and family telling me I WAS doing a good job.  I wanted my own kids to be the ones saying that, and you can guess how often that happened when they were both under 3. 🙂

These were unrealistic expectations that led me to doubting my own worth and purpose.  But now I’m finally starting to feel some of that light again.  I’m getting enough positive feedback from them that I’m fortified and tough and confident when I need to be firm with a “no.”  I’ve learned for myself that God has a custom plan and life for me, with experiences and trials I need to go through to become more compassionate, and loving.

It’s still discouraging when I put together a whole day of fun (a trip to the park, happy meals, visit to the pet store…) and the kiddos still are asking for more at the end of the day.

It’s not really their fault- they’re kids. And, they are just doing what I guess I do every night…

God blesses me all day, takes care of me, gives me fun and blessings.  Then at the end of my day, in my prayers…I ask for more too.  And someday, when they have kids of their own, they will hear the same.

I believe that if you’re parenting right, it isn’t easy.  I also believe (as was said in another great talk today-click here) that the classroom for parenting is the home, so I’m a beginner and I’m learning, little by little every day.  And that’s ok, because as long as I know a teeny-bit more than my kids, all should be good, right? 🙂

My lights today were….DEFINITELY Sammy tickling his own tummy every time I changed his diaper. LOL “Teego-teeego-teeego-teeego”
Oh, and watching him try to give his spare binky to the cat.  I didn’t grab the camera in time, but I got this…

and him snuggling…

and REALLY snuggling.  Sammy’s definitely a lover, not a fighter. 🙂

Playing “Go Fish” with Michael for 2 hours while we listened to conference!  By the end of it the mood was so sweet we were giving each other the matching cards we needed on purpose.  We also played as a whole family- I’d forgot that game!  Surprisingly SO much FUN!

Seeing Sophia’s face of shock when I sliced an avocado and put it on a sandwich-“It looks like play dough!!!  You are like a monster eating play dough!!” LOL
Asking Michael and Sophia what their favorite sweet name for them was and having Michael ask me to call him “Sweetie Pie” and Sophia, “Cool Cat” hahaha
And seeing Chad like his Artichoke Turkey melt so much that he wanted another one.  It’s working!  One way or another we are going to keep getting more veggies in our diet! See, here were our snacks while we listened and watched…

So yeah, today was great, because I (with God’s will and help) let in a little light.

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