I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the day after the 5 year anniversary of my preventative mastectomy I finally posted a video of an original song on YouTube AND wrote on my new blog – a goal I’ve had for MANY years. That surgery changed my life in too many ways to count and it put some life goals on hold. It pulled the rug out from under me while also showing me how capable I am. It made me rely on others and simultaneously made me gain a new level of personal confidence. I will never be able to publicly process every element of hope, struggle, and grit I had to grow and show over the past couple of years as I’ve mentally, emotionally and physically recovered.
Recovered. That’s a silly word to use because it implies returning to something, but I know I will never be the same person I was before this surgery. In a way, with my BRCA-1 gene discovery, innocence was lost. And I’m finally (usually) OK with that. The body and business momentum I also lost was really for the best, because my brokenness made me focus even more on the only sources that would truly heal me: a loving, strengthening God and understanding big brother.
Vanity had to go out the window as there was only time and energy for what matters most- staying close to God, my faith and my family. Combine that with a year of working graveyard shifts to get us out of credit card and car debt so I could focus on songwriting and sharing music for free. Then there were a couple more years of getting better at my instruments so I could use them decently while singing. (I’m still a novice, but I’m a novice that can at least hold her head a little bit higher.) And finally, a solid two years of gaining a testimony of my purpose, regardless of my skill level, others’ opinions or never attaining worldly success.
I really have just been stripping away all the extra to understand what got me through everything and why I’m still here. The answer is Jesus. The answer has always been and will always be Jesus. Though I’m sure I’ll write more about my surgery someday, right now I’m just grateful for the trial that made me turn to my Savior and inner strength in ways I never thought of before. My pain led me to my passions that I’m enjoying much more fully now. Also, check out my new channel, Lift Like Christ, on YouTube if you’d like to hear original songs and stories that share hope in Jesus. He really is the master healer.